Guide to the jungle (cont)

Where to find: You can find them in droves during super bowl week; they are there at all the parties trying to snag a NFL player. Catch them also during the NBA all-star weekend trying to become Lebron James baby mama. Anywhere there is a celebrity event or a movie premiere party or P Diddy is throwing a party to celebrate 'da band's' new CD, you will find tons of gold diggers all with shovels in hand digging away. The next level of gold diggers can be found at the corporate events looking to find a doctor, lawyer, or big shot music producer. Get into a hip party and you will have several to pick from.

How to capture: Listen to me and listen good. You are about to undertake a very dangerous mission. Failure is not an option, the time has come for broke ass niggas everywhere to unite and take out the evil known as the gold digger from our midst. For too long the gold diggers have made us feel like shit as we drive by in our 1990 Hyundai Sonatas. They have laughed at us because we are unable to afford the real deal and have had to settle for a cheap 'Hugo Boss' knock off sadly spelt 'Hugo Bross'. They have told us to "...please fuck off" when we summon enough courage to step to them and ask for a date. But now the tables turn, now the broke ass nigga pulls off the con of a lifetime and strikes a blow for all the rejects. This is the big time now nigga. Man the fuck up.
First thing you gotta do is decide where you wanna meet the gold diggas that have scorned you so long. Don't even bother trying to pass yourself off as a football or basketball player. Gold diggas can name the full roster of the 1985 Washington redskins and tell you who the 12th man was on the 1979 Chicago Bulls. They know their shit; don't even go there, it won't end well. Your best bet is to come off as a rich professional with lots of money to give away. When you roll into the club, you don't need to overdress. Look nice, but don't overdo it. Most rich professionals don't have time to go shopping and they are not exactly fashion gurus. Wear something expensive but simple (buy something nice on Friday and return it on Monday) it's not your clothes that's going to win her over. It's your car that lets her know just what you're working with. The good news is you don't need a great car right there and then; you just need a good gimmick. Procure fake car keys with the BMW and Jaguar symbols and attach it to your keychain. Walk up to her and offer to buy her a drink, put your car keys in the same pocket your wallet is in. (get 50 $1 bills to make your wallet look extra bulgy and put a $20 bill on either side so it looks like a thick wad of 20's) As you reach for your wallet, pull out your keys and place it on the bar. After you get your drinks, start to walk away from the bar leaving your keys behind. She will pick them up for you and hand it to you. Don't forget she's a gold digger; it's in her nature to check out the keys before she hands it to you and she knows all the car symbols by heart so she'll see your BMW and Jaguar keys and you now have the upper hand. Explain to her that today you drove the Toyota because it's your first time at the club and you weren't sure what kind of crowd would be out. Don't be shy to mention your successful medical practice and how rare it is for you to get out and party. Compliment her on her dress and ask if it's 'Prada'. If she says no, tell her a body like hers should always be covered in nothing but the best. You now come across as rich and generous and you're getting closer to the goal. Truth be told, you're not going to bag a gold digger without spending some money, you will have to open up your wallet, there is no question about that. You're going to have to buy drinks all night and act like it's no big deal. Keep calling for more and more drinks all night and now she's going to be drunk and impressed, ripe for the plucking. Now that you have her where you want her, it's time to make your move. Feel free to touch her and nibble on her neck, get her hot and horny and you now have the perfect trio. A drunk, horny gold digger who thinks she's with a rich doctor. Like I said earlier, this breed is not a cheap lay. You're not going to score spending tens of dollars. Victory comes in spending hundreds as opposed to thousands. You're going to need a nice hotel room, you don't need 5 star, but you can't get by with a cheap motel either. A 'budget suites' should be good enough and it should run you about $70. Once you get her in the hotel room, she'll all yours. She's going to want to pull all the stops to break you off and get you sprung so that you can open up that wallet of yours. Enjoy your night, savor every hip roll, and tongue twirl. Make her work it and dip it low and shake it till your toes curl. This might be the only shot you get at her coochie because if you aint paying her rent and buying her clothes after a couple of weeks you're done. So make sure you hit it as many times as you can. Every time your dick gets hard, wake her ass up and bang her some more, gold diggaz deserve no mercy. Get her number and tell her you'll call her, call her a few days later, and tell her you've been busy with patients but you got some time and you'd like to come see her. Tell her you live somewhere in a rich neighborhood that's a long drive from her house so she won't want to drive out. Go by her crib as often as you can and do your thing. Make big promises to her, shopping sprees, free rent, hair and nail treatments, promise it all and make her believe it. Tell her you never carry cash, all you got are credit cards so you cant leave her any spending money but you got her next time. Soon your game will be up and she'll see you're nothing but a fake nigga. Take delight in the memories of wonderful sex and the knowledge that you too can brag about your week long fling with a gold digga. Then save up some more of your McDonalds paycheck and go after the next one. You must not rest till every last one of them feels the shame of being played by a broke ass nigga.

So there you have it my friend, the 7 known black women breeds laid out to you. You now have access to a secret world that black women have worked hard to protect and I must warn you that assassins are after you even as you read. Your life is now in grave danger; whatever you do you must not let any one know of your new found knowledge. For those of you niggas who have a younger sister and are tempted to share some of these secrets with her to protect her from niggas just like you, I must warn you not to let your selfishness get in the way. Giving away the info contained in this blog can set the black man back hundreds of years. We will no longer be able to enjoy the things that make us men. Besides if you do, I'll kill you myself.