Introduction/You gotta know your limitations.

Hey you! You found my blog...lucky you! As you can see my blog is titled "Get off your mother's couch." This blog is designed to do just that. Call it an advice blog for the young black male or any male for that matter. (If Dr. Phil and Dave Chappelle ever have a love child, this is the blog he'd write!) My blog will contain explicit language...some people will find it offensive, some will find it controversial, but everyone will agree it's ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!! Come back often because i will update this blog daily. Ok...now on to the fun stuff...chapter one in our process to turn lazy bums into successful members of society...with minimal effort! LOL

CHAPTER ONE:
A nigga gotta know his limitations.

There you are, a young black male in America. You want the American dream just like any other person in the country. The white (no pun intended) Pickett fence, a doting wife and 1.5 kids and you have the right to it. But you're black. I say it the way someone might say "That's a pretty wife you got there...but she a hoe." You may not be able to make a hoe a housewife, but you can sure make a black man successful. It's like the Nas song "I know I can"...we hear the kids sing in the chorus "I know I can be what I wanna be". It a strong message the thought of millions of black kids soaring high above the ghetto to achieve their dreams no matter how lofty is amazing...too bad it's bullshit. Let's face the facts...if you're a black in America, you can never be "all you wanna be"..., but you can get really close, and that my friends, is the first step. You got to realize your limitations and set your goals accordingly. Don't get me wrong, sometimes a nigga will get out there and overachieve and next thing you know we got an Oprah Winfrey or a Colin Powell. What are the chances of Shanequia the 'hair stylist' or Bubba the neighborhood 'pharmacist' getting there? Pretty damn near impossible! I'm not here to depress or discourage you, just here to keep it real. Oprah or Colin are few and very far between and that's the way it's going to be for a long time. For every NBA or NFL star there are 10,000 of us on food stamps. For every Denzel Washington, there are hundreds of Mr. Marcus'. For every 'Outkast' there are tens of Bobby Browns. I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
Knowing you won't get to millions and millions of dollars is not a bad thing. Actually it's pretty good; because it gives you time to concentrate on getting hundreds of thousands or for some of you tens of thousands. You have to define your level of success and go for it. Some of you might want to stop reading halfway through because you're comfortable with that level of achievement. Others will read on and desire more and still others will toss this book in the trash and wait patiently for Oprah's. To make this easily applied to your life, we're going to start at the bottom of the rung and work our way up...whatever level you're on will be covered. This is chapter one...we'll start with someone...lets call him Andre. Typical guy...24, lives at home with his mother, his baby mama and 2 kids. Prospects are not great. He has no job and pretty much no marketable skills (i.e. he cant play ball and he can't rap). We're going to help Andre get to the top. We're gonna watch him become a success story. You too can apply the 'Andre rules' to your life and get the same results because it will work for anyone who applies it correctly. So now we all know who we're working with, let us build this nigga up shall we? The first thing Andre is going to have to do is find a job and guess what he's going to have to do...yep! You're right...know his damn limitations! He's not going to get a great job...hell...he's not even going to get a good job. There are two things he can do...flip burgers or become a security guard. In spite of the stigma attached to working at the nearest burger bar, the constant teasing he's going to have to endure from friends and the dissing he will get from the honies, the fast food job is Andre's best bet. Allow me tell you why...working in fast good gives Andre access to something that will make a huge difference...free food! The ability to take home burgers, fries, and drinks is going to prove a very important asset in keeping peace in the home till he moves out. Piss off mom today? He brings her a double cheeseburger. Baby momma stressing him he doesn't take care of his kids? He reminds her of the 'happy meals' he's been bringing home the last two weeks. She's feeling neglected lately? Nothing says 'I love you' to a black woman better than bringing home the six piece fried chicken meal. Plus the fast food job offers him a chance to meet customers, who will play a vital role in helping him get a better job down the line and best of all; he saves a ton of money on grocery shopping. We will discuss that in further detail soon. I know some of you are thinking "Why I gotta get a fast food job? There is a lot of other ways I can make money". That is absolutely true. There are several ways a black man can make easy money and we all know what they are...ok lets all say it together...DRUGS, PIMPIN', and ROBBING. It's tempting I know, even when a black man is making a honest living that allows him to drive a nice car and wear nice clothes, we all know what the white folks are thinking don't we? "He's not a ball player, so he's gotta be a drug dealer, pimp, or thief." It's like a catch 22. Damned if you do and a fucking idiot if you don't. This book is written to teach you to get to the top the 'honest' way, the 'legal' way and the 'true' way. In no way do I condone resorting to any of these horrible, horrible things to make a quick buck. However, to make this blog a truly complete guide, allow me to offer up some suggestions should you choose these paths.